Why I Won't Convert

If I was stranded on a desert island with a Roman Catholic priest, an Orthodox sub-deacon and lesbian Episcopal Bishop I would, by the grace of God, seek the peace of God's church and worship with these fellow saints with great forbearance allowing them latitude in areas that nevertheless seemed sketchy to me, and I would hope that they might show similar grace and forbearance with me in areas that were perhaps not as "regular" as they might wish.

But I'm not stranded on a desert island.

By the grace of God I was born into a Christian family, regarded as holy from conception by virtue of my parents' faith. I was washed in the laver of regeneration when I was four years old and was confirmed by public confession of faith at the same time. I have been eating and drinking at the Holy Eucharist, the table of the Lord for these many years. And in the providence of God, I've been brought up and nurtured in the faith of my fathers, a fairly generic American Protestant faith, but broadly reformed and presbyterian at various points. I now find myself in the ministry, on a journey, somewhere between an ordained pastor and a ministerial student. It's not as holy or official sounding as it might be in other communions, but I'm ok with that. I've grown in an enormous appreciation for the breadth and depth of Christendom over the years. I'm grateful for the faithful in all of Christ's Church from the arminian baptists and bible churches to the flaming charismatics and liberal lutherans in the midwest. I firmly believe that the Triune God is knitting us all together into a bride without spot or wrinkle. And I'll readily admit that I am hungry for more depth, more glory, more richness than I've grown up with, but I utterly refuse to despise the depth, glory and richness I've already been given.

The thing that ticks me off about people "converting" to this or that church is the ingratitude of it all, the willingness to give God the middle finger. It's one thing to find oneself in a providential situation where one must make a decision where one will attend church and sometimes one must do that. But it's an entirely different thing to "convert". And there is an enormous difference. The language of "converting" betrays a certain bitterness for what has come before. Of course, if one is converting from the Church of Satan or Mormanism, by all means, convert. But if you've grown up in the projects of pop evangelicalism and see the old mansions of Roman Catholicism up on the hill, it's simple straightforward ingratitude to declare that now you're "finally going home." If God gave you a Christian family, if He clothed you with His righteousness and washed you in Holy Baptism and fed you with his own flesh and blood in the Holy Eucharist, if He has faithfully given you these very basic things, then He has given you a home. Believe it and rejoice and repent of your voyeurism.

And what about authority? Who has the right to start a church? Who has the right to preach the gospel or perform the sacraments? It is good order and decency that the ordained ministers of the church lead and perform these mysteries for the blessing and welfare of the church and the watching world. But it is not absolutely necessary. Baptism is entry into the church. Baptism makes one a disciple, and baptism authorizes every believer to behave like a Christian, to be Christ to the world. This means that in the early church and in missionary situations, it is fully within the right (and dare I say duty) of every baptized Christian to preach the gospel and perform the sacraments if and when it becomes necessary. Of course formal ordination is to be preferred where possible, but the Scriptures no where indicate that it is necessary and everywhere imply that it is admissible. And anyone with a little knowledge of the early church knows that it wasn't all neat and tidy, with all the bishops and presbyters and deacons all arranged with shiny, neat job descriptions. Of course good order emerges from faithfulness, but good order doesn't create faithfulness anymore than a ten minute old corpse can give itself CPR.

And that's why I refuse to convert. I will not despise the good gifts of God in my life. I will not act as though the last several decades were a big mistake. I will not dishonor the faithfulness of my parents, my pastors, my elders, my friends, or give such an example to my children. I am hungry for richness, for glory, for depth, for beauty, for cathedrals, for chanted liturgies and generations of faithfulness. But I also know that love is patient. And I refuse to be impatient. I will work and pray for reformation in the church God has given me. I will not despise the gifts of God; I will not opt for the easy way out. No thanks; I'd rather die fighting than have to tell my children the embarrassing story of how God gave me a second rate matchbox truck when I was little, but I told Him off and now I have a Tonka.