Doing Marital Laundry

One of the ways that we love one another is through manners. Etiquette, someone has said, is just love in the little things. Everyone has laundry to do, but it’s common courtesy to do it before or after the dinner guests arrive. Now in every marriage there are discussions to be had; husbands and wives need to have open, honest conversations and sometimes issues need to be worked through before there is agreement or consensus. That in itself is not a problem so long as it is taking place in a Christian manner. But it is simply bad manners to allow those discussions and conversations to be broadcast to friends and other family members. Everyone knows that Mr. Smith has underwear, but Mrs. Smith ought not leave them lying around the living room for the dinner guests to wade through. This is all to say that wives and husbands need to guard their conversations with others such that their words do not bring out their dirty laundry for the world to see. And we need to guard this because James says that the tongue is fire that is able to set the whole body ablaze. Paul says that a wife is the glory of her husband, and it is the husband’s calling to give glory to her. And this is why Paul says that a man who loves his wife actually loves himself. To be glory and to bestow glory is to make the other look good. If you are the glory of your husband then your words ought to make him look good, your words ought to make him sound like the faithful husband that he is. If your wife is your glory, then your words ought to bestow glory upon her, by praising her (to her face and to others) and by making her look good. That’s what glory does. These are little things, but they are like the rudder that is able to turn a ship in completely different directions. Of course there is a time when husbands and wives can and should seek help and advice from appropriate friends and elders, but even this must be done in a spirit of love and respect. The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself; this means that you ought to speak about your closest neighbor (your spouse) in the way that you would want to be spoken about. You are your spouse’s glory; therefore let your words reflect this.